Imposter VS Imposter Syndrome

“It’s not lying. It’s theatre.”  
Linda Durham

Imposter: a person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others.

Imposter Syndrome: a cognitive distortion that causes people to doubt their accomplishments or skills. Those with the syndrome doubt others’ high regard for their track record.

Finally, I am acknowledging my well-developed “imposter self”. This is enabling me to re-connect with my recalcitrant reality. It has taken years to confront my well-honed imposter syndrome!

There was a time when all compliments directed at me (You look beautiful…that was a great job…I’m amazed by your courage…creativity…ability) engendered a negative “innerspeak” in me.

The judgmental and insecure Linda would quickly relegate the “complimentor” to one of three boxes:
Box 1: The person was a liar.
Box 2: The person was stupid.
Box 3: The person was tricked—by me.

Here’s a story---possibly with a lesson or a moral.

Almost fifty years ago, at the very beginning of my so-called career, I scheduled a trip to New York to meet with a prestigious gallery director. I purchased a designer suit---“Dress for Success” was a slogan that held considerable sway for this inexperienced girl-of-the-desert.
Ready, get set, go!

I was eager to be seen as a player in the mysterious and addictive world of contemporary Art---not knowing how steep the learning curve would be. My immediate goal was to appear polished and professional.

Alas, I was neither!   

I booked a room at the sophisticated (read expensive, uptown) St. Regis Hotel. When I gave my name to the (snooty?) reservation clerk, he asked, “Is that Miss or Mrs.? I wondered…Is he asking if I’m married or single?

My response? “That’s Doctor.”  Ha! What a good way NOT to answer his question!
From that first impulsive utterance of the unearned (imposter) honorific, I embraced the theatrical role of “Dr. Durham”.  It served me well for decades.

Caution: If you choose to use this confidence-creating trick, be sure to have an easy response in case you find yourself in an emergency situation.

For example: a distressed person needs immediate medical attention. You’re on a plane, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean or on a remote atoll far from civilization and you hear frantic calls from nearby witnesses, “Is there a doctor here? Can anyone perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on this dying man?”

Perhaps all eyes seem directed at you, Pretend Doctor! May I suggest a possible lawsuit-avoiding response. “I’m an entomologist---not a medical doctor.” Said apologetically. Feel free to use it.
 
The moral of this story could be: If, in making it, you use a strategy of faking it, you may end up breaking a bunch of rules and being seen or mis-seen as nobody’s fool---except your own.
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Many times, I felt like my own fool.